Jack Blanchard Column: Growing Old With Grace
GROWING OLD WITH GRACE.
Misty says, “You’re growing old with grace.
And Grace is getting sick of it.”
I’m getting paranoid about age.
There are hundreds, maybe thousands of photographs in circulation
taken of us when we were younger,
and now we seem to be in competition with our younger selves.
When we meet somebody in the supermarket,
and they start up a conversation,
it often ends up with them wanting a business card
so they can find our home page, or contact us by phone.
They are starting to say things like this:
“WOW! That picture must have been taken a long time ago!”
We wrestle with them trying to get the card back,
because, actually, the picture on our card was taken just two years ago!
The picture was taken in a good light
and we were all gussied up for a special occasion.
(That’s the first time I’ve ever said “gussied up”.)
Then we threw away most of the photos taken that night
and picked the one that looks the least awful.
It’s real and looks pretty good,
but we don’t come off like that half asleep,
on a hot windy day,
and under the supermarket Fluorescent lights.
I’m thinking of getting cards with terrible pictures on them,
so people will say good things like
“Hey, you look great now! I’m glad you survived the train wreck.”
Maybe a picture of two skeletons.
But then they’d say “I see you’ve gained weight.”
Maybe we can get cowboy hats with flattering lights under the brims.
Or wear our hoodies on backwards.
Those young Misty and Jack brats out there are getting annoying.
While looking around for our songs and reviews,
I actually found a Jack Blanchard grave on Google,
but somebody was already in it.
Damn! All the good graves are taken!