I attended First Baptist Temple Terrace recently, and the pastor there, Paul Purvis, was preaching on Nehemiah. It was one of the best sermons I’ve heard in a long, long time. Backstory: Nehemiah was calling out some bad behavior among the Jewish people. They were charging each other interest, selling their own people back into slavery etc. Nehemiah called a town meeting and basically said to them: “STOP IT!” Both Nehemiah (and Pastor Paul) said it emphatically, “Just stop it!” Paul then drew the line from Nehemiah’s story to ours….what are we doing in our lives that we need to stop? I loved the way he delivered the message: You don’t need counseling, you don’t need to go to therapy. You just need to STOP IT!
So, my fellow sisters and  brothers, listed below are a few things in which we need to say to ourselves: STOP IT! We chicas are our own worst enemies! We drive ourselves crazy obsessing over these things, and we just need to STOP IT! By the way, I am the chief of sinners.
1. Stop saying “yes” to everyone. There’s no need to say “yes” to everything! Take Billy Graham’s advice. Ask yourself: Is this event/endeavor/engagement really necessary? Is it taking me away from my family? Is it really the best use of my time? Or do I just feel guilty and obligated?
2. Stop saying “no” to yourself.  Repeat after me: Rested wives and moms are better wives and moms! Take some time for yourself. Carve out a few minutes a day for a quiet time. Think about it this way: If you had the opportunity to sit for 10 minutes with “fill-in-the-blank person you respect the most” (for me, it’d be Beth Moore or Billy Graham) would you cancel on that person? Would you walk away, and say “sorry, can’t.” No!! You’d make time! Then make time for Jesus! The one who loves you! Your Redeemer! Your Savior! The one who knows you better than you know yourself. Last thing: an occasional girlfriend date for pedis is nice too! And yes, stop by Starbucks on the way!
3. Stop apologizing all the time! I am a Southerner. It’s in my DNA to apologize and then give an explanation. For stinkin’ everything! STOP IT! Actually say it back to me…I need to hear it! “Carmen, STOP!” Of course, we need to be gracious. But it’s ok to be ok with our decisions and preferences. (I’m sorry, does this sound harsh?) Haha!
4. Stop comparing your life to what your friends post on Facebook. Definitely stop this one! With the exception of those friends who are chronic complainers on Facebook (very unattractive, btw), let’s all admit that we post “the best of the best” on Facebook.  We’re not gonna post, “Just got in a fight with Pete, and we went to bed not speaking.” NONE of us have perfect lives. We all have deep hurts and very personal stuff happening in our lives. I could write on and on about this. I could tell you about my insecurities, my fears, the times I feel very lonely…I could tell you about all of that …. but the reality is I don’t post that stuff. And neither does “she.” So stop looking at all the perfect pictures, with perfect status updates, describing the perfect vacation, with the perfect husband, holding hands with the perfect kids, having a perfect meal. These are only a glimpse of a small fraction of our lives!  Praise the Lord for families and vacation, etc etc. I love family, vacations, good meals, and fun status updates….But know this for sure: virtual does NOT equal reality. What we choose to post is not the whole picture. If browsing your newsfeed makes your feel badly, STOP browsing the newsfeed.  And just fyi, Pete and I did get in a fight on Sunday night (over a game, no less!) and went to bed without speaking. We didn’t talk all day Monday, and finally went for a long walk last night and resolved it. There were lots of tears (me) and “I’m sorrys” (both). So, there…..that’s REAL life.
5. Stop viewing food as the enemy. Read this book: Intuitive Eating. It changed my life. It’s about making peace with food. We girls tend to label foods as good or bad. We look down at our plate and here’s the internal conversation we’ll have, “Grilled chicken – good! Mac & cheese – bad. Broccoli – good! Warm roll with butter – bad!”  Here’s the bottom line: Of course, we can’t live on bad carbs. But good gravy, (pun intended) ENJOY a meal every now and then! Give yourself permission to eat a cookie. I truly feel that if we’d give ourselves permission to have forbidden fruit occasionally, then we wouldn’t be so obsessed with not having it.  I truly do try and eat healthy. But it’s my mental, negative self talk that is the enemy. Not the mashed potatoes.
6. Stop body snarking – out loud AND in your head. Again. Chief of sinners! How many times have you heard me talk about my muffin top or bra fat on the air? I do it ALL. THE. TIME!  And it’s wrong. I need to STOP IT! As women, we are socialized to believe the lie that our worth lies in our looks. This is a lie from the pit, my sisters! We need to stop putting ourselves down. It’s not good.
7. Stop obsessively untagging yourself in every “unflattering” photo. This one has been the biggest struggle for me the last several years. When I started in radio years ago, FB wasn’t even a twinkle in cyberspaces’s eye. It’s a new world, and we have little control over it. Camera phones are here to stay, and aren’t going away. People aren’t gonna stop taking pictures, and they’re gonna post what they’re gonna post. Obsessing over the pic that doesn’t capture your best side (for me, it’s my right side) is only gonna make you crazy. Remember this: your real friends will get approval first. And your very best friends will crop!
8. Stop trying to make your life or house look like Pinterest. Granted, I’ve never been on Pinterest (as most of you have heard. Bill’s our Pinterest guy).  But I’m assuming it’s very Martha Stewart-esque. I think “do it yourself” things are great. But ease up on yourself. Most of us do not have catalogue homes, with Food Network kitchens.
9. Stop being plugged in 24/7. Stop it! Take some downtime. Stop scrolling through your phone incessantly. Stop being available to your employer at all times. Stop checking and returning email at all hours of the night. Take a vacation. Turn off your phone. #1) You need the decompression and away time, and #2) You’re not that important. The business isn’t gonna cave without you.
10. Stop wearing heels everyday. Give your feet a vacation too!
11. Stop fearing being alone. I don’t know why some of us are married, and some of us aren’t. Embrace your singleness. You are perfect just the way you are! You don’t need a man to complete you! God knows the desires of your heart. Trust Him, that He has good plans for YOU!
12: Stop holding onto toxic relationships. Whether it be a girlfriend or a boyfriend. It’s true….Relationships either “life” you, or “death” you. If you’re not being lifed by a person, it’s time to prune; lose the frenemies. And there is a Christ-like way to do it.
A few more thoughts….in the same sermon, Paul, using Nehemiah as the example, finished the list of things we could learn from him (Nehemiah) this way:
1. STOP IT!
2. Start it!
3. State it!
4. Stick with it!
I think we can all apply this to our lives. Hold me accountable. I’m praying for you today, my sweet sisters. And I hope you’ll do the same for me. I love you!
Note: This list was inspired by a Huffington Post article I read by Emma Gray. She wrote an amazing list, and I certainly want to give her credit. I adapted to put my own spin on it –