The sender fondly believes
that each recipient thinks he has been selected
to be the artist’s best friend.
The radio people play along with the gag,
often telling the artist that his or her record is doing great,
while throwing it into the wastebasket.

Misty and I have a new CD, and for show and tell,
here’s a copy of the letter we plan to send out.

THE PROMO LETTER:
To our good friend (Insert your name):
How have you been? How is your (Check appropriate loved one.)
(a) wife?
(b) husband?
(c) dog?
(d) cat?
(e) bird?

We hope you don’t think this is a form letter,
because we actually had this one copy printed just for you.
If any other deejay claims he got one like it,
he is obviously lying and is jealous of our relationship.

We aren’t promoting our CD here,
we just don’t want our buddy (Your name)
to be caught not playing the hottest record in the industry.

Just this week we were added to the playlists
at radio stations
WICK, WARP, WAD, and WIMP, in the east,
and we picked up KRAB on the west coast.

Don’t forget, we love you more than all the other artists do,
regardless of what they try to hand you in their letters.
But, don’t let sentiment influence you.
Play the record for its greatness alone,
and we’ll give you all the credit when we get the awards.

Hoping your (Insert portion of your anatomy)
is feeling better.

We remain your loyal, patriotic, God fearing,
humble country cousins, Jack and Misty.