{"id":5512,"date":"2012-06-24T00:17:20","date_gmt":"2012-06-24T00:17:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/whisnews21.com\/?p=5512"},"modified":"2012-06-24T00:17:20","modified_gmt":"2012-06-24T00:17:20","slug":"jack-blanchards-little-brown-bottle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/whisnews21.com\/index.php\/2012\/06\/24\/jack-blanchards-little-brown-bottle\/","title":{"rendered":"Jack Blanchard’s Column On A Little Brown Bottle"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"THE LITTLE BROWN BOTTLE.<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Rulan Spinkter was losing interest. His gaze wandered out the window\u00a0even during the goriest parts of the 6 o’clock News.Beauty and nature were okay, but they didn’t rouse him from his apathy.TV violence wasn’t as much fun as it used to be.<\/em><\/p>\n

His wife said this to him:\u00a0“The Viagra must be growing mildew by now.”\u00a0He didn’t believe in happy endings,\u00a0and didn’t worry about bad ones.\u00a0He was a lump of cells\u00a0taking up space that could be used for parking.<\/em><\/p>\n

He read the obituaries,\u00a0looking through the death notices for people he didn’t like.\u00a0He felt let down when they didn’t accommodate.\u00a0Rulan wondered idly how long he might live…not that it mattered.<\/em><\/p>\n

He knew he was going nuts,\u00a0but it was too much trouble to think about it.<\/em>
\nThe top button on his pants was open\u00a0and he didn’t shave much any more.<\/em><\/p>\n

A television commercial came on\u00a0and told him to ask his doctor about some pill.\u00a0He wasn’t sick,\u00a0but he didn’t feel great.<\/em><\/p>\n

Anyway, he already had some pills upstairs,\u00a0but he didn’t know what they were for\u00a0or where they came from.\u00a0He got the pill bottle open,\u00a0cursing at the child-proof cap.They were yellow and about the size of aspirin,\u00a0and seemed to glow a little. He thought “What the hell.”\u00a0and swallowed a handful.<\/em><\/p>\n

An hour later he was jogging toward town,\u00a0looking for excitement…\u00a0an illegal grin on his face.\u00a0He bought a new convertible,\u00a0put his new baseball cap on sideways,\u00a0buttoned up his pants,\u00a0and roared down Main Street,\u00a0singing songs of questionable taste.\u00a0That’s when he noticed the patrol car flashing behind him.\u00a0He stepped on the gas.Thirty-seven police cars were pursuing him on the Interstate.\u00a0They were going ninety-three miles an hour,\u00a0when Rulan and his convertible vanished.<\/em><\/p>\n

The head cop barked “Spread out.” into his radio:That’s what police are trained to say\u00a0when perps disappear into thin air.Rulan was never seen again\u00a0except on Dateline, and 60 Minutes,where he was the Mystery of the Week.<\/em><\/p>\n

His wife was going through his things for The Good Will,\u00a0when she found a little brown pill bottle.\u00a0The label was dirty and unreadable,\u00a0but the pills had a funny Day-Glo look.\u00a0The label was too dirty to read,\u00a0so she spit on a Kleenex<\/em>
\nand rubbed it until the letters became clear.\u00a0These words were printed on the label:\u00a0“Do not ask your doctor.Take a chance.”She tossed the bottle into the pocket of an old jacket,and put all of Rulan’s stuff into the Good Will box at the mall.<\/em><\/p>\n

Later that night,\u00a0Quince Duckworthy, a homeless wino,\u00a0found some free pills in a pile of old clothes,\u00a0and became a successful motivational speaker.\u00a0The theme of his Duckworthy Self-Improvement Program was this:\u00a0“Take a chance.”<\/em><\/p>\n

Jack Blanchard<\/h2>\n

<\/h2>\n

\"\"Jack Blanchard & Misty Morgan… Home page:\u00a0http:\/\/jackandmisty.com<\/a>\u00a0CD Baby: \u00a0http:\/\/cdbaby.com\/cd\/jackmisty<\/a>\u00a0Videos:\u00a0http:\/\/youtube.com\/jackandmisty<\/a>\u00a0Restoration and mastering studio:\u00a0407 330 1611.\u00a0Used with kind permission from Jack Blanchard and Lonnie Ratliff \u00a0nashvilleshowcase@comcast.net<\/a><\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/div>\n
WHISNews21 reminder<\/div>\n
Jack Blanchard and Misty Morgan #1 worldwide Hit<\/div>\n
\u201cTennessee Birdwalk\u201d<\/div>\n
But then you knew that didn\u2019t you?<\/em><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

THE LITTLE BROWN BOTTLE. Rulan Spinkter was losing interest. His gaze wandered out the window\u00a0even during the goriest parts of the 6 o’clock News.Beauty and nature were okay, but they didn’t rouse him from his apathy.TV violence wasn’t as much fun as it used to be. His wife said this to him:\u00a0“The Viagra must be growing mildew by now.”\u00a0He didn’t believe in happy endings,\u00a0and didn’t worry about bad ones.\u00a0He was a lump of cells\u00a0taking up space that could be used for parking. He read the obituaries,\u00a0looking through the death notices<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3386,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[38],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/whisnews21.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5512"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/whisnews21.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/whisnews21.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/whisnews21.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/whisnews21.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5512"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/whisnews21.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5512\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/whisnews21.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/whisnews21.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5512"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/whisnews21.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5512"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/whisnews21.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5512"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}